Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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