So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He felt like a one man threesome
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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