I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
