we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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