It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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