Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
3 2 1 whiskey
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
