Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
