Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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