spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
