If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
