I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize