you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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