Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
