You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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