I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
