respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
