I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize