In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
