it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
