Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
