Where is the hickey?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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