this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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