I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
is that a dick in a sweater?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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