i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
