I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
