I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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