marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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