That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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