she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
