I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize