I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
