He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
