remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
These tits shall not be calmed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
