If i come over, it means nothing
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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