I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
