thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
