so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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