He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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