I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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