It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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