I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
