I am puke
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
