apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I look better un-naked...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
