I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
