I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
