yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
