Got a toothbrush?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
