Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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