he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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