i barfeds in our rink
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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