dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
