I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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