Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
