Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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