i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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