I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
