I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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