The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
