allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
