When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had to coat check the pizza.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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