Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They took my balls.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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