I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
