Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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