Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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