Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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